The Illusion of Happiness

I am 30 years old, and I hate coming home. The door opens, and I am greeted with the overwhelming scent of lavender and the sight of my wife, sitting on the couch. It's been two months since we tied the knot, and I already regret it.

I used to love her, but I don't anymore. There's no spark, no excitement, no love. We spend most of our time watching television in silence. I don't enjoy being around her, and I can tell that she feels the same way.

I think about divorce constantly, but I’m not afraid. I’m just afraid of what will happen to her. I just want to be alone, I also can't stand being with someone who doesn't make me happy.

Last night, we went to dinner. I watched as she carefully cut her steak, delicately chewing each bite. It disgusted me. I excused myself from the table and went to the restroom, sitting on the toilet in silence, trying to build the courage to end things.

But I couldn't do it. I walked back to the table and sat there in silence, pretending that everything was fine. But it's not fine. It's far from it.

I don't know what to do. I feel trapped, suffocated, and unhappy. I wish I could go back in time and make a different choice. But I can't.

I am 30 years old, and I am not happy with my wife. Should I divorce her? I don't know, but one thing is certain. I can't keep living like this. Something needs to change.