A 50 Year Itch
Vince tapped his glass with a spoon almost cracking. The invited guest all gathered inside the city park Banquet Hall for Vince to make his announcement.
"I want to thank everyone for coming out to the celebration of me and my wife Vanessa 50th anniversary”. Hold your applause. I’m just going to get straight to it. "Okay, you and me both know who the humble one is, the forgiving one, the always smiling one and the most important one of all the loving one." I know you probably wondering why is he giving himself all the credit.
Vanessa, his wife of half a century, suddenly started coughing from the her champagne she was drinking. She was coughing so bad to the point someone had to pat her on her back.
Vince: “I’m the glue that kept it all together. If it wasn’t for me, we probably wouldn’t made it."
Their oldest son leaned over to his sister and whispered, "If Dad's the glue, Mom's definitely the dissolve solution."
Vince paused surveying the audience. "Not to be bragging but, It's just hard to damn hard to humble yourself when you’re the perfect one.
His teenage granddaughter that was glued to her phone looked up and said, "Here we go with ‘the perfect one’ again.
As Vince started to get in more details on his fake accolades. countless sacrifices and virtues, Vanessa caught the eye of the waiter and yelled, "Tequila. Neat. Keep 'em coming."
Victor: And that too.
Their youngest son started taking bets on whether Mom would make it through the speech without saying something or getting drunk and passing out.
Meanwhile, Vince was just getting warmed up. He pulled out a wireless microphone from his suit coat pocket, casually walking towards the floor.
Vanessa downed her tequila in one gulp, signaling for another. It was going to be a long night of celebrating Vince's fake accomplishments. Next years anniversary I’m hiring a speaker. That’s if they make it through this one.