A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
The next morning brought a hangover but no clarity. The idea that had seemed brilliant at 2 AM was still on Eric's mind. He called in sick from work, then went home changed clothes and went to the address Mack texted him the address to where to get the pig from.
The butcher shop was wedged between a laundromat and a cell phone repair store, in the window was a big red bright sign saying we’re open sign looks it’s been there for ages. The bell above the door announced Eric's entrance with a tinny jingle.
"How can I help you with today?" asked the man behind the counter, his white apron smeared with blood and spotted colored rust stains.
"I need a pig," Eric said. "A whole one."
The butcher didn't even blink.
"Yeah. Something like that."
Four hundred dollars and an hour later, Eric was struggling to put a wrapped pig carcass into the trunk of his Audi. The car had been a gift from his parents—its sporty look had impressed Kim on their first date. Now it would be the centerpiece of his grand surprise.
Eric drove to Kim’s neighborhood, circling her block twice before finding parking spots right in front of her house. It was nearly 10PM. He knew her routine—she'd be home watching reality shows, or on the phone or scrolling social media sites.
The street was relatively quiet as Eric heaved the pig from his trunk. A couple walking their dog towards him but turned at the corner. Sweat was beginning to beaded on his forehead despite the cool evening air as he positioned the carcass in the driver's seat, then placed a baseball cap on its head to create a human-like figure.
From the trunk of his car, he pulled out a red gas can. The smell of gasoline filled his nostrils as he doused the interior of his car, careful to leave the pig clearly visible through the tinted window. His hands trembled slightly as he backed away, searching for the matches in his pocket.
The first match blew out from the wind. The second caught flame but sputtered out on the ground. The third flamed was bright orange color waving before his eyes. Eric hesitated only briefly before tossing it through the partially open window.
The whoosh from ignition made him stumble backward. Orange flames ripping through the interior, crawling across leather seats and reaching for the roof. Smoke poured outward as the fire found the gas tank, and a secondary explosion rocked the quiet street.
The heat pushed Eric further back, the reality of what he'd done suddenly came crashing down. A few minutes later you can hear sirens, then someone running door to door screaming fire fire shouting, and lights from neighbors and other residents lights were flickering on simultaneously as residents came to investigate the commotion.
Eric quickly retreated into the shadows of an alley, heart pounding. He watched as his Audi—with its heated seats, premium sound system, and custom rims—became a baked potato. The pig was barely visible now through the flames.
Only then he started to realized what was at stake:
His car was registered in his name.
There were likely security cameras on the on people houses.
Arson was a felony.
Insurance fraud was another felony.
It wouldn’t look good for an employee with a criminal record doing the type of work he does.
And the most important thing: how is he going to get to work tomorrow.
"Oh shit," Eric whispered, watching fire trucks screech to a halt beside his burning car. "I didn't think this all the way through."
The smell of burning leather and melting plastic filled the air as Eric stepped further into the darkness, his grand romantic “she’ll come crawling back to me “ idea was reduced to the realization that he'd just destroyed his only means of transportation, committed multiple crimes, and would likely be identified as a burnt corpse.
Kim's house remained dark and undisturbed from the chaos that was unfolding in front of her house. She wasn't even home to witness his sacrifice.
As the firefighters began to put out the flames, Eric looked down at his phone. He had seven missed calls from his parents and the insurance company. And absolutely no idea how he was getting to work tomorrow.