Henry struggled with this suspiciously large cardboard box getting into the house, the kind that says WTF! “I made an impulsive purchase online at 2 AM.”
“What’s that, honey?” His wife Mary called from the kitchen, already sensing trouble.
“The future of parenting!” Henry announced, tearing up as he open the box with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning. Out came a shiny, chrome robot about the size of a mini fridge, with glowing red eyes and what appeared to be extendable slapping arms.
Tada “It’s a lie detector robot,” Henry explained proudly. “When someone tells a lie, it slaps them. No more wondering if you me or our son is telling the truth!”
Mary raised an eyebrow. “You bought a damn robot that hits people?”
“It’s called ‘behavioral reinforcement through mechanical intervention,’” Henry read from the manual. “Very scientific.”
That evening at dinner, Henry had an evil smirk like a mad scientist. “Son, where were you after school today?”
“At school, Dad,” their 16-year-old replied, not looking up from his mashed potatoes.
SLAP! The robot’s mechanical arm shot out faster than lightning, catching the kid upside the head.
“Ow! Okay, okay! I was at Marcus’s house watching a movie.”
“What movie?” Dad leaned forward, grinning.
“Kung Fu Panda.”
SLAP! Another mechanical smack.
“Alright, fine! It was… um… ‘Attack of the flat booty Cheerleaders an adult film.’” The son’s face turned red.
Henry’s chest puffed out with righteousness. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what adult film movies were! I was innocent and pure!”
SLAP! The robot nailed Henry right across his lips.
Mary burst out laughing. “Well, he definitely takes after his father in that department.”
SLAP! The robot got Mary too.
The three of them sat in stunned silence, rubbing their faces.
“So…” the son suggested, “should we talk about how you told the neighbors our family vacation photos were from Europe when they were actually from the Olive Garden parking lot?”
Henry looked at the robot. “I’m returning you tomorrow.”
The robot’s eyes glowed brighter, as if it was powering up for another round.
“Actually,” Henry said quickly, “you’re a wonderful addition to our family.”
The robot set back down, apparently satisfied.
Mary shook her head. “I’m eating dinner in my room from now on.”
“Good idea,” said the son.
“Agreed,” said Dad.
The robot sat silently on the table, red eyes scanning back and forth like a mechanical referee ready to slap someone.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Next week: The robot discovers social media, and Henry takes the robot to the grocery store with and nobody is safe.