Leroy vs Paul
Yo, let me tell y'all about the craziness that goes down at my job at this warehouse. I'm just trying to get my eight hours in, driving forklift stacking boxes, trying to get paid, you know how it goes. But it’s these dudes I work with? They need to be in somebody hospital, for real.
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| Photo courtesy of Upslash |
Check it we got ya boy Paul, who's got to be pushing 40 years old. You'd think at that age, he would have figured out by now how to wipe his ass. But nah, not Paul.
Every damn day, multiple times a day, bro will bend over to pick up a box or something, and there it is - a big brown stain and it be looking wet like damn. I'm talking about walking around with a big brown wet stain in back of his pants clear as day.
At first, I thinking maybe it was just a one-time thing or he had a rough time in the restroom, you know? We've all been there. But then it kept happening, day after day after day. How he doesn’t know he have a big poop stain in his pants?
One time, I was like, "Yo Paul, you okay bro?” And he looks at me with all smiles and says “yeah I’m good my G”. You must walking around with all that going on. Then I was thinking he might be use to that smell. But not me, the smell had gotten so bad one day.
He was in the break room eating his snack and me and two other guys walked in and sat down to take our break then it smelled like someone farted we all blaming each other but the smell didn’t go away. Paul had finished his lunchables and stood up and walked to the trash can and knew where the smell was coming from his nasty butt.
That’s it I had to say something cause he holding us hostage with that funk he spreading around the warehouse. Hey Paul let holler at you for a minute? What it do my boy? Paul replied.
Kenny: "Bruh, you know you have a big brown poop stain in your pants. What happened the toilet paper ran out or you didn’t wipe good enough, 'cause you're leaving an odor all over the place!" But ol' Paul just looked at me and said “Nobody else said anything and turned around and kept on working like live with it.
If that wasn't disturbing enough, we got the grand prize winner Leroy who's got an even wilder bathroom situation going on. Homeboy is obsessed in wearing his grandma dirty panties to work!
I'm not joking, fam. Leroy would walk just up, all nonchalant, with these silky, oversized something peeking up over his work pants. And we looked closely and laughed this fool look like he got granny undies on with a streak in the back. He must be in his grandma belongings again this time he going through meemaw's dirty laundry basket and getting her crusty drawers out before coming to work!
One time, a coworker walked in the restroom and caught him posing in front of mirror talking pictures in some big granny underwear. Coworker said, "Duuude, please don't tell me you weren’t taking pictures of yourself in some women panties just now bruh!?"
Leroy: Why you worried you like to see me in my sexy panties that’s why in without knocking first.
Coworker: “You bout to get knocked out.”
Leroy: “Whatever.” “Don't be a hater."
Like searching your grandma's dirty clothes basket looking for her panties is normal! I damn near hurled right then and there. These two dumb and dumber out here leaving poop smell everywhere he goes to cross-dressing like to wear the big granny panties straight out a nursing home dirty laundry bin. I can't make this stuff up!
I keep telling them they need to get their life and bathroom situation together, but they just laugh it off like I'm the weird one. Nah, bruh. I'm not the one with human feces staining my pants or wearing dirty old lady drawers that's been marinating in wrinkly granny sweats for weeks!
I swear, working at this warehouse makes me question my sanity sometimes. How do I end up surrounded by these kinds of animals? I'm just trying to make a living, not deal with I don’t know how to wipe my butt and grandma panty connoisseurs, you know what I'm saying? Y’all need to come get your people, for real.