5 All Day Long
“Just five minutes," the hostess said with that fake smile they must teach in Restaurant Host School. Five minutes. FIVE. MINUTES.
That brings us to Mitch and he wanted to try this new restaurant that he heard about that was downtown. "It'll be fun," he said. "They were talking about this new place to eat at work and I checked it out they have great reviews," he said.
We arrived at 1:00 PM sharp. The hostess wrote our name on her white pad. "Smith, party of four... it'll just be about five minutes." I watched as she wrote "1:05" next to our name all nice and neat.
By 1:30, I had memorized the front side of the menu and all the art work including the deer heads that were up on the walls. By 1:45, I had developed a deep philosophical relationship with the LED vintage Edison bulbs hanging from the ceiling right over my head. "They're probably just finishing up," Mitch kept saying, as if repeating it would make it true.
The worst part? Every time we asked about our table, it was always "just 5 more minutes." I started to wonder if "5 minutes" meant something different in restaurant language. Maybe 5 minutes equals 1 hour in real-world minutes.
2:02 PM
The hostess finally called our name.
Hostess: Smith party of four yes.
Mitch: Yes.
Hostess: Ok, the waitress will show you to your table.
We followed the waitress to our table.
Waitress: This way. “Sorry about the short wait”.
Mitch: (Thinking to himself) Short wait? SHORT WAIT? Hell my wife told me one night that was a short wait! Mitch, grinning with a look on his face “5 minutes”.
Waitress: Are you guys from here?
Mitch: “Yes this is home for us.”
Waitress: Here’s you guys table and menus. Can I get you something to drink while you look over the menu?
Mitch: Yes ma’am could you give us minute while we decide?
Waitress: No, problem take your time I’ll be in 5.
Mitch: There it goes again ‘5’. Next time I’m packing a tent. Because I know what 5 means. Better yet, when they come out to my tent and say “table ready”. Okay, thanks I’ll be there in 5.