The Neighborhood Shadow Show
For exactly one day and a half, there was peace on Maple Street.
Dorothy’s house remained quiet. No engine revving. No mysterious hammering. No stripper porch performances.
Marcus actually relaxed for the first time in weeks.
They should have known better.
It was a Thursday night, around 10 PM. Ralph and Keisha were getting ready for bed. Their bedroom light was on, curtains pulled tightly together. Ralph was scrolling through his phone while Keisha finished her skincare routine.
Across the street, Dorothy had a brilliant—or rather, completely unhinged—idea.
She pulled her car to the very edge of her driveway, positioning her car under the street light where her shadow would appear in Ralph and Keisha’s bedroom curtains.
Then she turned on her dome light on, creating the perfect backlight for her living room window that faced the street.
And then… she started.
Sitting in her car, Dorothy’s shadow began moving in ways that would make a stripper say damn. Exaggerated mouth and breast movements. Improper gestures. Gestures that she didn’t learned from internet tutorials.
The bonnet shadow—tonight it looked extra large, like a mushroom cap on steroids—bobbed and weaved with every movement.
What Dorothy didn’t realize was that her shenanigans wasn’t just visible to Ralph and Keisha’s bedroom. It was visible to the ENTIRE west side of Maple Street.
Mr. Fred was the first to notice. He had gotten up for a glass of water when he saw the shadow show through his kitchen window.
He spit out his water.
Mr. Fred: “Lord have mercy, didn’t know that woman was into that, oh lord what is that woman doing now?!”
He watched for 30 seconds before turning on his porch light and leaving it on. The universal neighborhood signal for “I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING.”
Thirty seconds later, Mrs. Chen’s porch light flickered on two houses down.
Then the Johnsons’ light.
Then the Pratts’.
One by one, like dominoes, the porch lights on the west side of Maple Street began turning on as residents realized what they were witnessing.
Dorothy, completely oblivious sitting in car under the street light, thought her plan was working perfectly. She could see Ralph and Keisha’s bedroom light was still on, which meant (in her delusional mind) that Ralph was watching.
She escalated her performance.
Ralph was brushing his teeth when his phone started blowing up.
Text from Mr. Fred: “You seeing this???”
Text from Mrs. Chen: “Ralph, have your neighbor has lost her mind.”
Text from the Johnsons: “Is Dorothy okay? Should we call someone?”
Text from his actual sister Monica (who lived three streets over):
Ralph sister: “Somebody just sent me a video. Is that Ms. DOROTHY?!”
“What the hell?”
Ralph walked to the window and peeked through the curtains.
He could see Dorothy’s shadow on the ground in front her house, doing movements that should have required a warning label.
Her car dome light was still on, making her look like some kind of deranged shadow puppet show.
Ralph: “KEISHA!” (he yelled). “KEISHA, CODE RED!”
Keisha came running from the bathroom, bonnet on her head (a normal bonnet, worn for normal protective purposes).
Keisha: “What? What happened?”
Marcus pointed at Dorothy’s driveway. They both watched in horror as the shadow did something like a pen going in and out your mouth.
Keisha: “Is she…”
Ralph: “Yep deep throat.”
Keisha: “In her car?”
Ralph: “YEP no cut.”
Keisha: “Can everyone see this?”
Ralph looked up and down the street. Every single porch light on their side was on. Some neighbors were actually standing on their porches now, phones out.
Ralph: “Everyone can see this.”
Keisha grabbed her robe.
Keisha: “Oh, this ends NOW.”
Keisha stormed out of the house towards Dorothys driveway, Ralph following behind her. Mr. Fred, Mrs. Chen, and at least five other neighbors stood in the driveway’s.
Keisha banged on Dorothy’s door.
Keisha: “DOROTHY! WHAT THE HELL AER YOU DOING!”
The shadow show stopped immediately.
Silence.
“DOROTHY! WE CAN ALL SEE YOU!”
The dome light in Dorothy’s car clicked off.
She ran in the house and the living room light went dark.
Keisha: “Don’t act like you’re not home! You left your car running! AGAIN!”
More silence. The neighbors chimed in.
Mrs. Chen: “Dorothy, I have grandchildren who could have seen that! What are you thinking?!”
Mr. Fred: “You giving the whole neighborhood PTSD, woman!”
Finally, Dorothy’s door opened a crack. One eye appeared, and of course, part of a bonnet—this one was blue.
Dorothy: “I… I was just exercising.”
Keisha: “EXERCISING?!” “You think we’re stupid? You positioned your car like a spotlight! For a SHADOW SHOW!”
Dorothy: “I don’t know what you mean—”
Mr. Fred: “Dorothy Jean Washington, I’ve lived on this street for forty years. I’ve seen a lot. But I have NEVER seen a grown woman put on a whole shadow strip tease car show for a married man!”
Dorothy: “It wasn’t a strip tease car show! I had all my clothes on!”
Mrs. Chen: “Your SHADOW didn’t look like it had clothes on!”
Ralph: “Ms. Dorothy, I’m begging you. Please. Stop. This has gone too far.”
“But Ralph—”
Ralph: “No ‘but Ralph.’ I have a family. I have kids. You just traumatized seven different households!”
To be continued………